**Deciphering Modern Hippie Star-Child Euphemistic Terminology ................

A Guide to Deciphering Modern Hippie Star-Child Euphemistic
Terminology.....

* 2012 - The year of the Dreamspell prophecy when we will
ascend into our
light-beings and become one with the cosmic galactic realm
of the Gods and
Goddesses..... errr some shit like that.
* Astrology - A convenient system to shift responsibility
for peoples'
fucked up choices.
* Ascension- fear of death. fear of life. Myths concocted
for those too
afraid to cope with the idea that there might not be a
second chance at
this.
* Bad Vibes - Someone called you on your bullshit or didn't
give you what you
wanted.
* Babylon - The system that produced all the goods to
facilitate your
neo-bohemian life style choices.
* Burningman- A huge art installation in the desert that
many hippies have
mistaken for a model of Utopian society which they attempt
to recreate in
their hometowns for the next 51 weeks. Ignoring the fact
that everything about it is completely unsustainable.
* Burner- Wears goggles anytime, anywhere.
* Community Painting - A method to transform a perfectly
good piece of wood
and paint into the most hideous thing you've ever laid
eyes on.
* Chakras out of Alignment - I'm fucked up and looking
for things to blame
it on.
* Cleansing - One of the most important steps in becoming
condescending
towards average people.
* Come-unity- The first stage in a free for all
bicker-fest; the main
function of which is to water down any good ideas into
something no one is
happy with.
* Cosmic - see: 'Magical'
* Dakini - Has a nicer ring to it than 'slut'.
* Dreamspell - A complete bastardization of an ancient
wisdom which gave
rise to yet another useless method of bullshit divination.
* Ecstatic Dance - Flailing around arhythmically.
* Elves- A subsection of hippies who took Elf Quest, Dark
Crystal and
JRRTolkien way too far. (often will not associate with
other sects of
hippies unless properly dressed)
* Enlightened - Does not in any way challenge your narrow
view of the world.
* Facilitate - Allow others to do.
* Family- A circle of Hippie friends who are so far out on
a fringe-tangent of fashion and ideology that they could never actually
interact with
anyone's real family.
* Festival - A party; usually dressed up to have some kind
of
socio-political or spiritual significance. This of course
has little impact
on the number of badtrips, fights, and misuse of the land
that takes
place. Often doesn't change anything but gives
revellers the impression that
it has.
* Gifting - The act of dumping your useless crap on other
people.
* Gift Economy- two possible meanings - 1) Great until you
end up with a
bunch of 'landfill fodder' from people who missed
the point or 2) rich
people giving away free drugs
* Green Energy - Away to say 'money' without
acknowledging the fact that you
need legal tender from the United States Treasury in order
to live and
function in society.
* Green Festival - Any festival where the promoters made a
half-assed
attempt to rent biofuel generators and place recycle bins
next to trash
cans. They all become trash cans in the end.
* Goddess - A worshipful term used for the highest echelon
of female hippies
by SNAGS (see SNAGS below) and SpiritualGuides. Therefore
the 'goddess' is
usually young, pretty, dreadlocked and impeccably dressed.
The goddess
however fully plays into the role and usually embodies a
multi-dimensional
stare, extremely rigid and controlled movement to give rise
to the illusion
they float on air and 100% fluent in galactic lingo.
Don't attempt to
communicate with them if you don't wish to be shot down
with laser beams
from their eyes
* Goddess Worship - oogling or stalking goddesses.
* Hater - Writers of this zine (see also: troll)
* Healing - An adjective to make anything seem more
profound than it really
is. Don't worry it won't 'actually' heal
you.
* Holding Space - The art of actively doing nothing.
* Holographic - Once you hear this word you know it¹s a
crockpot idea,
Unless of course one is talking about holograms.
* Higher Purpose - Unemployment.
* Jah Bless - If you are a white rasta the only time I want
to hear you say
>Jah Bless is when someone asks your occupation. See:
'Rasta'
* Kind Brother: What you become when a hippie wants
something from you.
* Intentional - Covers a wide gamut of pretentious
holier-than-thou
bullshit; generally accompanies a gratuitous waste of your
time.
* Invoke - To shamelessly beg powers beyond your
comprehension to do
something.
* Indigo Child - Screaming feral kid with nappy hair and no
respect for
their parents. Often has more festivals under their belt
than you do.
* Intergalactic - Taking place within the confines of the
industrialized
western society.
* Light Being - The person you wish you could be but will
never have the
discipline to actually become.
* Light Warrior - A particularly popular hippie.
* Manifest - How the enlightened mooch from their friends.
* Magical - Probably boring.
* Massage Therapy - The best option for income without a
higher education.
* Mercury in Retrograde - Why you called your girlfriend a
bitch last night.
* 'My Guru' - "I am a chump - try to sucker me
out of some money before
everyone else gets it all."
* Open Minded - Not able to entertain any opposing
viewpoints.
* Open Relationship - A fuck-buddy situation for anyone too
selfish or
immature for a real relationship.
* Prayerformance- A sloppy bastardization of all tribal
culture by half
naked dread-locked girls with fire fingers and swords.
(see:
hippiecheerleaders)
* Presence - Will stare you in the eyes for hours and touch
you too often.
* Rasta -One of the lower classes of hippie. Consists of
white kids who love
smoking pot, so they talk like a Jamaican Rastafarian -
completely missing
the point that the main precepts of Rastafarianism are
about
black people returning to pride, power and Africa.
* Root Chakra - Yer junk
* Saturn Return - The depression that comes in your late
20's when you
realize your life is going nowhere and you still don't
have any money.
* Shakti Energy - Horny.
* SNAG- Sensitive New Age Guy/Spiritual Guide Middle age
man who parlays
his menial understanding of any unfounded new age spiritual
practice to
allow maximum opening of the root chakra (see: above) of
young hippie women.
(see also: SNAG)
>* Soulmate - Will be single again in 4 months.
* Shaman - I do drugs.
* Techno-Shaman - I do drugs with my ipod.
* Teachers - People whom you emulate without going through
the necessary
life experiences to truly embody.
* Trade - My talents aren't good enough to make enough
money to actually pay
you.
* Tribe - MySpace for hippies.
* Unconditional Love - Open affection for anyone within
your close knit
group of like-minded and similarly-dressed friends.
* Universal Love - What you feel when you're always
high.
* Universal Truths - The narrow set of beliefs held by your
circle of
friends.
* Visionary - Drug-induced.
* Visionary Art - Lots of pretentious descriptions on art
that looked a lot
better when high.
* Wiccan/Pagan - Subscribing to a belief system to prove to
everyone that
you don't subscribe to belief systems
* Workshops - Kids on gas burning generators telling you
that you should be
living sustainably.
* Worshipping the Goddess - Fucking.
* Yoni -A fluffy name for pussy. She probably also thinks
of her Yoni as a
temple - your best bet to getting laid is to dress your
penis in monksrobes
and burn some sage.
* YoniVerse - A house where 3 or more goddesses live.