Careful Research and Planning Before It's Too Late
1 rating since posting on Wednesday, June 29, 2005|
in Los Angeles
(submitted by
Eric
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First and foremost, IANAL (i am not a lawyer), so this is all heresay. I recently had a close friend go thru a very similar situation (she just took the kids and left for 500+ miles away). Unfortunately, it seems that almost all courts feel that a child under 2 (and often under 4) are best off with the mother. Your friend could question the fitness of the mother, but the things you described probably aren't enough to get CPS involved (and they could take the kids, and choose NOT to give them father). If he did get custody, she could say the same things about him, and well... that doesn't get anyone anywhere. There is also nothing immediately illegal about leaving the state with the kids. The best you can do is utilize the vaugeness of the custody agreement if she leaves. If she does leave the area with the kids, the first thing he MUST MUST MUST do is file a kidnapping / missing persons report with the police. The mother took them, breaking the agreed upon custody schedule (without formal complaints, the default arrangement is considered agreed upon). If it's to the point that he hasn't taken action before she physically leaves, this is his last chance to assert himself. If she leaves with the kids, and he does nothing for several weeks/months, there is very little he can do after the fact. He must do EVERYTHING he can think of in the legal system to get the violation of his parenting rights documented. Nothing will probably result of this, except maybe formal custody agreement; mediated by the courts. It could multiple court dates, over years, to finally come to a amicable decision. There are also other, less ethical, but legal options. If he were back together with her, and he were to take off with the child, it would be up to her to file the kidnapping report. As soon as he walked out the door with the child, he would be considered the primary caregiver; and would recieve physical custody of the child by default until the first court date(s). This may not apply to your friend's case, as my friend was married. However, marriage is certainly not a prerequisite for custody battles. Also keep in mind that often times there are no penalties for lying in a case like this. My friend's ex lied consistantly, and the courts did nothing to verify any of it; they just took her word for it. He had physical evidence against her (papers, documents, etc), but it didn't do a lick of good. I would recommend your friend avoid lawyers, as their primary purpose in this situation is to gain billable hours. My friend learned next to nothing from his lawyer, and in fact missed important filing dates and such because he had faith in his lawyer's commitment to his case. The best resource are father's rights groups. They have tons of information on the net, and tons of horror stories to compare against. Many refer to a few popular books on the subject, which would make good reading for your friend. Avoid anyone charging money hourly to "coach" you, as they are just as bad as lawyers but without the legal degree. I wish your friend all the best. It's not going to be easy, but as long as he pays CONSTANT attention to the problem, he can at least get a custody agreement. She would be less likely to pull stunts like she is with a court document defining things. She can of course violate the agreement, but at least THEN he has a leg to stand on when he goes back to the court... Until that point she has him over a barrel. - Eric , posted 06/29/05 |
